This past week wasn't an easy one. For whatever reason I can't sleep. I'm limited on sleep anyway having to get up and feed Kimball through the night. But this week I just can't sleep. Sunday through Wednesday I averaged about 2 hours a night. Wednesday night through Friday I averaged 0 hours a night. That's right, no sleep for 2 days straight going off the 2 hours a night from the previous days. Not fun. In fact its stupid and makes me absolutely livid. The word frustrated and desperate doesn't even come close to how I was feeling.
We found out last minute that Lance had to get a body in Provo on Friday. Conveniently, Steph and Conrad were planning a trip down there for the weekend to see Kemp and Bonnie. So we took Kimball and drove down to Provo and I kept thinking to myself, this is going to be an awesome time to get 4 hours of sleep during the drive. Ha! What was I thinking? No such luck. We had a great time together with Steph and Kempton's family. It was awesome getting to see and meet Isom. We had a lovely dinner together at the Olive Garden and delicious ice cream afterwards.
Long story short, Lance drove back Kemp's truck and I drove back the van. Yes, I drove 4 hours home at 3am on no sleep in 2 days. Stupid. Idiotic. Foolish. It's a miracle I made it home.
Why didn't I stop to snooze for a bit? Well, I knew that once I did finally nap, I'd be in such a deep sleep that waking me might prove dangerous to Lance shaking me, and that I'd never fully wake up making it even more impossible to finish the drive home. Why did I need to drive home that night? Besides all the obvious answers, Lance needed to get Jane Doe to the mortuary. I just had to push through it.
NEVER doing it again.
During the entire drive I had a meltdown and just sobbed and sobbed and talked out loud to myself. I was about ready to admit myself to a hospital because I was so exhausted which was making my brain wig out. When we got home Lance let me get a few hours of sleep that night as he got up to feed Kimball. Unfortunately it wasn't enough. When I got up Saturday around 11am after getting 5 hours of sleep, it just wasn't enough and I had another meltdown. Last night Lance got up to feed Kimball every time so that I could sleep. I'm hoping that by the time I get a nap or get to bed early tonight, I'll be able to function normally again and my brain won't go crazy. Thank you Lance, I know you didn't want to sacrifice your last two nights but it was vital for me.
2 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. I cry all the time when I don't get enough sleep. It is so hard and frustrating. It seems impossible to function without sleep. Someday we will sleep again. I think... :).
I can't believe you didn't sleep for that long! Mentally it really takes a toll, and physically too, and emotionally?? Um, yep! Especially when you're the nursing mom of an infant. I don't know how you did it. Hope the future is looking lots more sleep filled.
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