'Before
Cora was born we knew that she had a heart murmur but nothing else. In due time
we’ve discovered that she has 2 heart defects, 2 brain abnormalities, and 7
gastric or digestive problems. She has a number of developmental delays. We just
heard a week ago that she has mitochondrial disease and potentially needs
another surgery to correct her tethered spinal cord. (We now know she doesn't have either of those things). She sees 13 specialists, 4
therapists, and a dietitian. The imaging and testing is endless and it seems
that all we do are go to doctor appointments. We average about 7 appointments
every week. The last 18 months this has been my greatest trial.
So
on one hand I have faith and I have a testimony that the Lord does work
miracles, and I trust in Him and in His plan and I know that He has a purpose
for Cora. He is just as much her parent as I am and I know that he created her
body.
On
the other hand, I go to appointment after appointment and am constantly told
that Cora will never walk or talk. She will never accomplish this or that and
she will never be normal. When I go home after these appointments I have be
realistic: I am a special needs mother and my child cannot physically do things
that normal children can do. No surgery or medicine can fix that. I don’t have
all the answers and I don’t know what the purpose is in this. I have pondered
and cried and cried some more.
And
so I have these two conflicting point of views and I don’t know how to get them
to mesh. But I received my answer from the last general conference. Elder
Nielsen gave an awesome talk about the prodigal son and he said regarding that:
“All of us fall short of the glory of the Father. All of us need the Savior’s Atonement to heal us. All of us are lost
and need to be found…. We watch, we pray, and we wait for the Lord’s hand to be
revealed.”
And so I watch and I pray and I wait for the Lord’s
hand to be revealed. It may not and probably will not happen in this lifetime
but I continue on with hope, because what else is there if we don’t hope?
"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope..."
-2 Nephi 31:20'
No comments:
Post a Comment