Breathe

I don't know if I should say anything about yesterday...............but...................it was bad. It was one of those days where you question every little thing you do and wonder if you're a good mom. Kimball and I ran a few errands and I ended up calling Trish to pout for a minute. Luckily, she said everyone has days like me. Which I already knew, it just felt good to actually hear it from someone else and with her having five kids, I knew she'd understand. It was one of those days that I didn't want to be a mom and I didn't want to take care of any one else but me. A day where I didn't have to closet eat or change diapers or fold laundry. A day where I lay can on the couch watching whatever I wanted to, eating whatever I wanted to, and getting up only when I wanted to. Selfish I know but it's how I felt. I even stopped at the mortuary and had Lance come out for a minute. I know he didn't have time for me and he let me know that, but the tears were coming and I needed him anyway. He gently reminded me that he doesn't have time for my trivial tears when he's planning funerals and urged me to visit his or my mom for a break. Yep, got it. I just needed his attention for a half second. I went home from the mortuary, fed Kimball some lunch, and then took a nap. It's amazing what a little cat nap can do!

Today however, was quite the opposite. I loved being a mom and was a little sad when I had to put Kimball to bed. He was so playful and funny and we had a great day! I sure L-O-V-E being his mama and even though there are rough days like yesterday, there are even more days like today. It helped for me to keep Lance's day in perspective. He's worked 13 hours so far and still isn't home, worked a service for a family friend, is on call this weekend with absolutely no break in sight (he'll be lucky if he makes it to church), and on top of all that he's starving and tired. In comparison, my day rocked.

So for future reference, here's a little hint to myself:

Dear Me,
Don't dwell on the whining and food throwing and cleaning up. Be grateful there's whining for you to endure and food for your child to throw and a warm house that needs endless cleaning. It won't last forever, it won't even last a day. Sleep is a beautiful thing and it will come shortly. It's ok to forget the mess and take a sick day, just get down and play on their level. Children don't wake up wondering how they can make your day miserable, remember they are a gift from Heavenly Father and a blessed miracle that they're yours. It's ok to nap. It's ok to cry. It's ok to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. Just breathe and give yourself credit; motherhood is no walk in the park.
Love, Me

Two quotes I also want to remember:

"The family is eternal. Love must be nurtured. It must be spoken. We must put away our pride, our haughtiness, our shyness, our misunderstandings, and with humility say, 'I love you. Is there something I can do to help you?' You can never be completely happy under any other circumstances."
- Marjory Pay Hinckley

"I know that we came to this life with a purpose and that the greatest joy we will receive will be those acts of love and service that we do for others.....There is none too great to need the help of others. There is none so great that he can 'do it alone.'"
-Robert D. Hales