Woe Is Me

I'm 7 weeks pregnant and in the woe is me stage. I was doing pretty good for a bit and as week 5 approached things gradually changed. I was a bit nauseous, tired, and started to get weak throughout the day. Week 6 proved to bring the nausea on with greater force and with no family in town, I had to find a nanny type girl to help me with the kids during the day. There goes my savings. Week 7 I've started throwing up and last night I was in urgent care waiting for IV fluids.

I'm in the state of mind wondering why in the world did I choose to go through this again?! WHY??? I'm so stinking miserable and so sick. I'm not involved with the kids at all and feel pretty guilty about it. I'll never understand why being pregnant has to be so dang hard but one thing is for sure, there's only one way to bring children into this world. Thus my utter misery.

I did get a blessing last week and I remember faith and sacrifice and the atonement being mentioned. We've prayed for guidance in making this decision as I ultimately left it up to lance. His response was, "I think I'd have regrets if we didn't have one more." Well, I don't want my husband to have regrets in his life, especially about children, and so after 6 months we are finally in my current state of just-kill-me-now. I do know this will be the last, that decision was made by me before we got pregnant and I'm even more resolved now that this is the last one.

Heaven help me! I need all the help I can get right now!