Thursday, November 28, 2013

A Step Back

These pictures are from a day or two ago.

Cora regressed today. They took her out of the incubator and direct heat and into a crib to see how she would do holding her own temperature. She didn't do so well, her temperature dropped and it took her quite a while to raise it even being back in the incubator. Because she used so much energy trying to get her temperature back up she was too tuckered out to eat. She normally eats 30-50 ml but would only eat 10 ml before falling back asleep. So they had to put the feeding tube back in. Needless to say she won't be coming home tomorrow.

It's very discouraging, I was extremely hopeful we'd be bringing her home tomorrow especially since Mom is flying in. I keep trying to exercise patience and believe that it's best she stay in the NICU until her tiny little body is ready. I know the Lord is in control, it's just very hard to leave her everyday.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013


Today marks day seven of my recovery and I don't know that I feel any better today than I did on day one. This has been the worst, most awful recovery ever! It seems like everything that can go wrong has and continues to do so. Last night I was sick to my stomach all night long and I have no idea what would be causing it. I'm still trying to fight bad headaches and nausea every day........shouldn't that be over by now? I don't know why this time has been difficult and different than my recovery with Kimball. I just know I'm ready to feel normal, to function normal, and for life to be back to normal.

Sweet Baby

Last night when we got to the NICU Cora was wide awake. She just looked over and stared at me for a while.

 Then I sent her into a milk coma.
And then she was out.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Hospital Day 5 - Today

Cora's bilirubin numbers went down a little bit today and she's also doing well with her feedings. She's making progress. I only got to see her once today but didn't get any pictures.

I woke up with another headache that was different than the spinal headache. I'm assuming it's because of my lack of food and sleep, so I tried to stay on top of the Tylenol, liquids, and food despite my nausea. I slept pretty much most of the day and visited Cora at the 2pm feeding. As soon as I got back to my room I got the green light to be discharged.

I'm home!!! It feels so good to be home and see Kimball, I sure missed that little guy! I've never been away from him for this long and missed him so stinking much! It's definitely going to be a struggle not to pick him up, how can I not cuddle and hug him??? I also instantly found myself wanting to clean and pick up the house......I'll have to constantly remind myself to take it easy when I'm used to always being on the go at home.

I left my baby girl in the hospital (tear, tear) but I know she's in good hands with the NICU staff. We continue to pray for her and can't wait to bring her home!

Hospital Day 3 & 4

Day 4 was interesting, I woke up feeling pretty good. Ate some breakfast, took a shower and walked down to the NICU by myself to see Cora. As soon as I walked into her room I had the sudden urge to throw up. Luckily as I turned around there was a garbage can........and I lost my whole breakfast. I then got really hot and light headed and dizzy. The NICU nurse found me a chair to sit in while I collected myself. I was so embarrassed!! I really wanted to feed Cora but I didn't want to push myself so I just held her for about five minutes before returning to my room in a wheelchair. How stupid, I felt like such a fool.

The rest of the day I spent in bed quite nauseous, dizzy, and a headache. Not fun. Cora was doing well eating on her own and continued to make improvements although her bilirubin numbers were up and they started her on light therapy.

Day 5 showed little change in Cora, her bilirubin numbers slightly went up and they removed her pesky IV. It was probably the worst day for me. I had a super painful headache all morning and nothing was kicking it. I finally spoke with the nurse anesthetist and decided it was a spinal headache but I wouldn't be able to get a blood patch until  the doctor was available. I waited 6-7 hours for the anaesthesiologist and nurse anesthetist to become available and finally got a blood patch at 6:30pm. I had instant relief but the nausea and dizziness continued so I went to bed at 9:00. It also happened to be the day my milk came in so double whammy.
On November 24, 2013 at 12:45 in my hospital room, Lance was ordained a high priest by his Dad. He was then set apart as the 2nd counselor in the bishopric by our Stake President, James Lee. Also there was our bishop Dustin Crossley, Donna, Kimball, and myself.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

One Proud Mama!!!

Christine had her baby yesterday! I was really hoping we'd have them on the same day because that would just be fun. She stuck to her plan and had him all natural, way to go Sis! I'm SOOOO proud of you and excited for this new chapter in your life!!! Needless to say, her and Stephen are pretty smitten by this sweet little guy who has yet to be named.
6 lb. 13oz.
19" long

Crazy Cora

I have never seen or heard of a newborn with hair like this! Cora is bald on top with a slight blonde peach fuzz. But, she's got quite the dark brown mullet in the back. It's a horseshoe mullet like an old man! It's the weirdest hair pattern I've ever seen on a baby, haha. Blonde fuzz on top and brown horseshoe mullet in back.

Hospital Day 2

I didn't stay on top of my pain meds very well yesterday so it was a rough one. It certainly wasn't intentional, I didn't know how often I could take them and would simply forget. With the amount of drugs I was on, I was very loopy. Lance said I kept asking the same questions over and over and repeating myself over and over. I was very confused and knew what I wanted to say but couldn't figure out how to say it. My brain was just so foggy. I think a good part of that is because the doctors wouldn't let me eat and I was so tired. A mixture of no food, no sleep, and lots of drugs is a loopy combination. I was very dizzy and my eyes kept going in and out of focus, it was all just really weird.

They took Cora off of oxygen which was great and were going to wait another day to start feeding her but we got the green light that she was ready. More progress! She's been tolerating her feedings pretty well and I even got to feed her once. Unfortunately I was in a lot of pain and didn't last long before I had to throw up as well. 

John, Donna, and Kimball came to see us at the hospital. I was so excited to see Kimball and he immediately looked so big and much older, I guess I was just used to looking at tiny Cora. Kimball could have cared less about me he didn't say much, wouldn't give me a hug, he just wanted to see what hospital stuff he could get into. I didn't go with them to the NICU so I'm not sure what his reaction was to seeing Cora. There probably wasn't much of a reaction, he still doesn't know too much of what's going on. 


Hospital day 1

8:30 am: headed to the hospital for a scheduled c section at 39 weeks

Feeling very anxious and scared. The last nine months has been nothing but a roller coaster ride of very intense emotions, mental stability, and physical endurance.

I already knew what to expect with the c section but I was still quite scared. I asked numerous nurses to keep an eye on Lance to make sure he was there this time. Luckily he was! This surgery was quite different from Kimball's and I really had a hard time enduring those 30-45 minutes. Before they even started the incision I was throwing up and continued to do so for the whole surgery. Not fun. The doctor had a resident doctor assisting him and I could hear every instruction and everything he was telling her, I didn't like that. It seemed to take longer because he had to explain everything to her and I didn't want to hear it, I just wanted it done. I never felt the immediate relief of having her out. Actually, quite the opposite. As soon as they pulled her out was when the suffocating "I can't breathe!!" started. My chest was so heavy, it was just the medication that made it seem like I couldn't breathe. I really hated that feeling. The baby was handed directly over to the NICU staff which fortunately was above my shoulder so I could see a little bit of her. They tried for about 10 minutes to get her to breathe before they took her down to the NICU.

 This was me meeting Cora for the first time, a few hours after she was born. When they were wheeling me to the recovery room I stopped in at the NICU so I could meet her.

Friday, November 22, 2013

She's Here!

Cora Julie Cox
Born 11/21/13 at 11:33 am
Weighing 5 lb. 11 oz.
Measuring 17 3/4" long

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

My Cup Runneth Over With Love

I've made some really great friends in our new ward. I mean, the kind of friends that you wondered where they were your whole life and how you lived 28 years without knowing them. A few ladies in the ward threw me a baby shower tonight and not only was I spoiled with so many wonderful gifts, women were there who I haven't officially met yet. But they were there to support me, a stranger, and I'm so humbled by that and so grateful to get to know them. Put all the gifts aside, it was SO AWESOME to have a girls night! It was great to socialize and gossip share news and be around uplifting, encouraging women.

I didn't get any pictures which makes me sad but I really wasn't feeling good today so I had no motivation to go above and beyond just existing. The spread of food was amazing, they all crafted and made hair accessories for the baby instead of playing games, and most importantly the friendships and sisterhood was just incredible!

I don't even know how to describe how blessed and humble I feel. There wasn't one person who left without first insisting they're going to bring a meal over on such and such day, or to call them if I need help with Kimball, or to call them if I need something at the hospital or just need to chat. I feel so overwhelmed and wish I was in a position to pay it forward. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for RS because without it I would be lost. Thank you, thank you so much to all you wonderful, lovely ladies!!!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Dearest Lance

I need to recognize someone in particular. When I try to express how I feel and be really sincere this person is usually cleaning up Kimball or checking work emails/texts and I'm not sure that everything I've said is being heard.

So. Lancie Poo Poo Poo. I'm not exactly sure where to begin or how to express my gratitude and love for you. Actions speak louder than words (most times) and I feel that due to my last nine months, you've been ignored. Not intentionally at all. It just takes so much and everything I've got to bring a life into this world that I have to devote so much to my selfish self in order to sustain such a tiny life. It will all be over soon but I couldn't have done it without you.

There were numerous times you went without clean clothes or food. True, you're 31 years old and can do your own laundry and fix your own dinner, but that's my job and duty privilege as your wife. It's not my favorite hobby in the world but I love taking care of you and knowing your needs are met. It makes me happy knowing I've done my wife duties and that you're taken care of. I'm so sorry I haven't been the wife you deserve. I'm sorry I've complained so much during the last nine months, it certainly is no cake walk for me but it hasn't been easy on you either. And not once did you ever complain to me about how hard it is for you!!

I love you so much. I'm so grateful and appreciative of everything you do. You're a hard worker, good provider, loving and fun Dad, loyal spouse, amusing friend, and most importantly you're my better half. You make me laugh every day. You make me fall in love with you all over again every time I watch you play with Kimball. You make me smile and feel better about myself as a woman, wife, and mother. You make sacrifices and devote your life for your beliefs in Christ. You are my rock. You are my best friend. I love you so very much!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

As Of Late

Not much has happened around here lately. I've been fighting a bad cold which is awful timing to endure a cold on top of the usual nine-months-along pregnancy symptoms. My rib/back/side pain has been excruciatingly horrible and in the evenings it gets so bad that it makes me quite nauseous. Last night I was bawling, it hurt so bad!

Only 3.5 days left until I'm done!!! I'm so glad I'm scheduled so I know there's an end in sight. I can't wait to meet this precious little girl that I've been fighting so long and hard for. This pregnancy has been infinitely worse than Kimball's on so many levels......I just can't wait for it to be over and to know that baby and I are healthy.

Lance is still enjoying his job quite a bit and what a marvelous blessing to love what you do for work. Not much has changed with him although he did put eyelids on his VW bug the other day. He's enjoying barbershop and his new calling in the bishopric. He is the best dad! He's been so helpful with Kimball lately while I've been sick and in pain and hugely pregnant. I love to watch them play together and interact, it melts my heart everyday. He is definitely Kimball's hero, those two are inseparable buddies.

Kimball is still a cute little toot who keeps me on my toes. I love listening to him say new words and phrases everyday. A few weeks ago he learned the word poo. He didn't learn it from us, I'm assuming nursery perhaps? He likes to tease us and say he pooed with a mischievous grin when he really didn't, and likes us to put diapers on his stuffed animals. I've been trying to work with him on changing that word but so far he thinks it's quite hilarious when he says it. He's also a very friendly guy, he says "hi" to everyone we pass in public. Whether it's the grocery store, post office, fabric store, it doesn't matter he will always say hi and bye. He also says hi to Lance and I whenever we enter the room. I'm glad he's friendly and hope he stays that way although occasionally he'll pull the shy card. Life would be dull without him, we love him SO much!

I'm loving our new ward, there are some really great people who have gone out of their way to make us feel so welcome. I've made fast friends with several of the ladies in RS and they've been so kind to me! I just feel so blessed and overwhelmingly grateful for their friendship and the sisterhood in RS. Three separate friends have offered to throw me a baby shower and I was both shocked and grateful, I don't want to take advantage of their kindness because it means so much to me. So Tuesday is another girls night, yay!

Worth Remembering

I went into our storage room to grab some ingredients for dinner and noticed something. I'd bought a big box of fruit snacks at Costco to give the kids for christmas and now the box was open. Apparently Lance needed a snack for church, so he ate the kids' christmas gift. He claims he didn't know it was for christmas but I assure you that I did in fact tell him because I remember telling him what a good sale they were having. At first I was shocked but now I just think it is funny.

Loves His Cars

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Motherhood of the Year Award

Thank goodness today is almost over! I haven't had any sleep in the last several days because of all the pregnancy pains and discomforts. Laying down is the worst and evokes the pain but I can't very well sleep standing up. To add fuel to the fire, I've got a stuffy nose which I didn't think was much at first but seems to be getting worse and spreading. A stuffy head and no sleep is not a good combination.

So today was a rough one to get through simply because I don't feel good at all!! Kimball was whiny which didn't help and I just tried to survive. Yes we watched a lot of netflix and pbs kids.

Mid morning I was working on sewing a diaper bag for Christine. Kimball was on our bed watching PBS kids and I'd given him a bowl of snacks to keep him happy while I sewed. He went upstairs to get a drink and I thought he was taking a long time so I decided to check on him. Oh dear. He'd found the kitchen knives and was trying to cut up a banana like he'd seen me do that morning. He cut up more than just the banana. Nothing makes your heart sink faster than the sight of blood that shouldn't be there, especially when stumbling in on your own child. It was all over the banana, the counter, the knife, the fridge. Kimball was fine and had no idea he was bleeding, luckily the cut wasn't deep at all and there was just one.

I immediately cleaned him up and went downstairs to the laundry room to find a bandaid for his thumb. When I opened the door I walked into a puddle. Something was leaking in the laundry room and water was all over. Great! So I put a bandaid on Kimball which he wouldn't keep on and called Lance. Apparently water comes up from the foundation when it rains a lot and with the snow/rain we've had the last few days, we've got a large puddle. That was my last straw and my day was shot.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

A Little Sparkle

I dug out a few beading essentials because I was going through withdrawals with my lack of projects. I made several baby bracelets for Addie and decided since my table and room was already a mess with the bead stuff out, I might as well make one or two for our baby. So I made a simple blessing bracelet for her. Nothing fancy, just simple yet elegant and Addie's is similar to this one. A girl always has pink to wear so I made one more for Bebe that's pink and clear.

A Birth Day

At the growth check this week the perinatal doctor looked long and hard at the heart again. He recommended that we have an echo on her at 1 or 2 days old just to make sure everything is ok. He said it's functioning well and everything is fine but the something something something something something is larger than normal and they just want it double checked. She moved from 12% to 18% for growth, weighing in at 4.12 lb. I guess it's all those homemade goodies I've been eating and my legs can attest to that too.

We finally have a date for the c-section! Baby girl's birthday will be November 21, right at 39 weeks. I've begged and pleaded for the doctors to admit me early but they all refuse unless it's medically necessary. I understand and I know I need to do what's best for the baby, it's just extremely hard.

I do feel better about having it all scheduled. I still wish it was sooner.........tomorrow would be awesome. I need to find some more projects to keep my mind occupied for the next 2.5 weeks otherwise I'm going to go crazy just sitting around waiting!

Church Bags

Yesterday we had a relief society activity making church bags. I will probably end up using this for a diaper bag or anything else I can think of, it's bigger than I thought it was. I had SO much fun! It was taught by a grandma in the ward who really is the master at sewing and quilting and it was a privilege to be taught by her. This is how mine turned out, the first bag I've ever sewed. I love the colors and patterns and how everything turned out, except the handles. I wish I would've chosen a different fabric because it's too busy for such a small piece of material. I could have redone the handles because I had extra fabric but I was too anxious to get it done. But overall I love it! And this is why I love relief society, it was so nice to sit and chat and get to know more sisters in the ward. We really do have a great ward and I'm so thankful to be a part of it.

My Kimball Boy

I took these pictures of you on the day we celebrated your 2nd birthday. I didn't realize until looking back at them how much baby fat you still have. Not a lot, but enough that you slightly have baby features with the rolls on your wrists, arms, and little hands with dimples for knuckles. I didn't realize your hands were pudgy at all until someone else was washing off your lunch and she remarked how cute your pudgy hands were. And so I love these pictures simply because I can see your cute little rolls and pudgy hands; I know it won't be long before the baby is gone altogether.

I can't believe you're two! You're such a good boy and still a mild guy. I love your personality, you have so much of your Daddy in you. You love to talk and go on telling stories about who knows what. You laugh at yourself a lot. You play really well by yourself. You quit dancing to music but you still like music, especially cartoons with music in it. You love anything that has to do with Daddy, you and him are inseparable and it breaks your heart on days you don't get to see him. He's your best bud, your favorite playmate. You love cars and the moon and your favorite thing to watch is Sesame Street or Cars. You love dogs and cats. You love peanut butter, any of Daddy's soda, and will dip anything in ranch or ketchup. You transitioned to a twin bed like a pro and I'm really hoping potty training goes just as well.

Your Dad and I love you beyond any words could express. Our lives became full and rich once you joined our family and we can't imagine life without you. You bring so much joy and purpose into our day and although you throw fits every now and then just like any other two year old, you're still the best thing that has ever happened to us. We love you buddy!!!