Sunday, April 30, 2017

Oh Baby

Here I am at 38 weeks.....I can't believe I'm putting this picture on the internet! But with this being our last baby and this pregnancy SO different than the other two, I wanted to put it in my journal. I cannot believe how slowly the last 9 months have gone especially this last month, yet when I think about being so sick and having a picc line, that seemed like a lifetime ago. 

I am not a person who endures physical challenges well. At all. It's hard for me to see the end result-a precious baby boy-all I can see and feel are the pains and discomforts that never go away. The pain in my legs and back have been so severe this past week that it's really, really hard to walk. I feel a lot of guilt as a mom. For example, Kimball and Cora wanted to put on a magic show for me so they set everything up in their room and Kimball brought in a stool for me to sit on because he knew I couldn't sit on the floor. So sweet and cute. I had to make demands, the stool wasn't good enough because I knew it'd hurt too much so I made him get me a kitchen chair instead. The usual pleadings of, "Mom, can you jump on the trampoline with us? Can you push me on the swing? Can we go on a walk? Can you help me dig here?" have stopped altogether with little tiny broken hearts and all I'm asked now is, "Mom, can you watch me jump?" All they ask is that I watch, that's it. And it crushes my heart! 

I keep promising that one day I'll be able to run and jump and wrestle on the floor and have tickle wars again. One day I'll be healthy enough again to go on walks and dig for bugs and other treasures in the dirt. And most importantly, one day they'll have a baby brother to kiss and cuddle and love on! One day this baby will bring so much happiness and love that when he finally comes hopefully all of the missed adventures will be worth it. They'll finally have another comrade and buddy to share those adventures with. I hope Kimball and Cora won't remember these 9 months as a time when mommy simply couldn't because what they don't know is how much my heart yearns that I could! 

Kids are so loving and forgiving and resilient and I hope they can forgive me and realize that it's certainly a family effort to bring a baby into this world. Lance has taken the front of it all in stride and patience, I know it's been really hard for him too. He's taken on my many hats as well when I didn't and couldn't measure up, without complaint. A few years ago for Mother's Day  he gave me a framed picture of the kids with the quote, "Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven." and I can't wait to add a third picture to it. Certainly all of us have sacrificed and we are all anxiously awaiting this little guy's arrival. 

So, baby boy, please hurry up! We all can't wait to meet you and love on you and get a fresh piece of heaven. This morning as the kids were waking up the first thing I heard through the baby monitor was this high pitched super excited voice, "Cora, do you know what day it is?! It's Sunday! That means only 1 more Sunday until the baby comes!!" That warmed my heart hearing how much they already love this baby and how much we are all anticipating the big day. So....9 more days!!! And baby boy, you are so SO loved!!

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