I've had a couple thoughts the last few weeks I wanted to write down to sort it all out. My long term goal for Cora is that by the time she's in Kindergarten she'll be caught up to her peers and be mainstream.
Her PT is going well and she's almost caught up. When I see a child her age run and jump around I can still see a difference - Cora's reflexes are slower (like starting a race, she won't jump the gun, she's very slow getting started) and she's not as precise. She has great endurance and will try almost any physical activity. Her handwriting/drawing is definitely behind, she cannot write any numbers or letters and can't draw a smiley face or a stick figure. Her speech is also definitely behind, I think she'll be in speech therapy at least for another 2-3 years. Her social skills lack a few basics the most prominent being speech. I've noticed the last several play dates we have she would rather play with kids younger than her. I don't know if that's because she identifies better with them in terms of her speech and gross/fine motor skills being developmentally delayed or if she just prefers younger kids to play with. She has a hard time being in large groups, for example her music class has about 6 kids in it but we attended a make-up class that had 15 kids and she did not do well at all. She just sat in the corner and rocked herself. I'm not sure if she's just overwhelmed or if she has anxiety or if she's not confident in herself.
I've wondered if she'll need to repeat Kindergarten twice so that she has a more concrete understanding overall and sharper skills in those areas. I've also wondered since she prefers small classes that maybe she would do better in a special education class that's small. Maybe mainstream isn't the best option for her? Maybe for her to be successful and to develop those skills she needs to be in an integrated class? Or if she does mainstream Kindergarten, maybe she'll have to repeat it and then be mainstream? I struggle with what to do when that time comes because I do want her to be mainstream but I need to remember that what I want isn't necessarily the best thing for Cora. Maybe the best thing for her to progress quickly would be a small special education class.
As I've been potty training and trying to be more in tune with her these last two weeks I see such innocence in her. She's still different than kids her age and she just has an innocence about her that other kids don't seem to have. Something about her eyes are just so innocent and pure, I really don't know how else to explain it. She's a smart girl! Even though she has physical delays, her mind is sharp. There seems to be a kind of disconnect between what her brain is telling her and being able to execute that action. She can count and she knows a lot of letters but if you ask her to draw it, it's impossible. She can't lie and she makes the greatest faces when we ask her something like, "Cora did you hit Ezra, is that why he's crying?" Most kids would say no because they don't want to get in trouble. She says no because its the absolute truth and makes a face at us like, "how can you even ask me that, of course not!" I know for certain when she says something I need to believe her because she may be incapable (is that even possible?) of lying. Even when she doesn't need to potty even though it's been 6 hours since she last went, if she says no then she really doesn't.
She has made great strides the last 6 months. Yesterday we worked outside in the yard and she didn't bat an eye at the lawn mower. Last year she threw fits, ran inside scared, and covered her ears from the noise. She has also attempted a two wheel bike with training wheels and didn't bat an eye. Last year she wanted nothing at all to do with it and only wanted the baby tricycle. Also, her sentence structure is more fluid and elongated with about 7-10 words per sentence.
Her eyes and the innocence in them is just so sweet and gentle and honest and pure. I learn so much from her everyday. I absolutely need her in my life and I'm so thankful to be her Mama!!
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