Sunday, June 28, 2015

Excerpt From My Talk (for me to remember)

'Before Cora was born we knew that she had a heart murmur but nothing else. In due time we’ve discovered that she has 2 heart defects, 2 brain abnormalities, and 7 gastric or digestive problems. She has a number of developmental delays. We just heard a week ago that she has mitochondrial disease and potentially needs another surgery to correct her tethered spinal cord. (We now know she doesn't have either of those things). She sees 13 specialists, 4 therapists, and a dietitian. The imaging and testing is endless and it seems that all we do are go to doctor appointments. We average about 7 appointments every week. The last 18 months this has been my greatest trial.

So on one hand I have faith and I have a testimony that the Lord does work miracles, and I trust in Him and in His plan and I know that He has a purpose for Cora. He is just as much her parent as I am and I know that he created her body.

On the other hand, I go to appointment after appointment and am constantly told that Cora will never walk or talk. She will never accomplish this or that and she will never be normal. When I go home after these appointments I have be realistic: I am a special needs mother and my child cannot physically do things that normal children can do. No surgery or medicine can fix that. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t know what the purpose is in this. I have pondered and cried and cried some more.

And so I have these two conflicting point of views and I don’t know how to get them to mesh. But I received my answer from the last general conference. Elder Nielsen gave an awesome talk about the prodigal son and he said regarding that: All of us fall short of the glory of the Father. All of us need the Savior’s Atonement to heal us. All of us are lost and need to be found…. We watch, we pray, and we wait for the Lord’s hand to be revealed.”

And so I  watch and I pray and I wait for the Lord’s hand to be revealed. It may not and probably will not happen in this lifetime but I continue on with hope, because what else is there if we don’t hope?

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope..." 
-2 Nephi 31:20'

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