Saturday, July 28, 2012

Random Journaling

Blech. I've had an off week. My anxiety has been unusually high and I've ended up crying to Lance about something or another everyday, I'm sick of trying to lose baby weight for months without any results, I'm tired of scrimping and saving and barely making it,  I haven't slept well, and it has been so blazing hot lately. I'm even proving it now because as I type this it's 2:46am and I can't sleep. Kimball gave me a scare yesterday afternoon. I was playing with him and he spit up only he choked on it or something because he quit breathing and it came out his nose. Then he started doing this gasping/coughing thing and it really scared me. I called Lance in a panic because it was so scary and I couldn't quit crying. Of course he was fine in the end but it was quite scary.

Oh what am I talking about? I am so blessed and all I can do is sit here and complain?! At least I have access to doctors and medicine that help control my anxiety. At least I can't fit into my clothes because I am blessed with a healthy and happy baby. We aren't going without and Lance has a decent job. We have a house to live in and a little food in the fridge and somewhere to lay our heads even when we can't sleep. Yet for some reason I have the urge to complain and get it all out. I don't know, it's just been an off week.

One of my latest pet peeves is being out in public or socializing with family and all people can do is play games or text on their cell phones. I mean, you've got real, living people in front of you, put the dumb phone away!

Have I mentioned that I really like my calling? I teach the 15-18 year olds in sunday school and the kids are awesome. It's a challenge having to teach the Book of Mormon instead of a principle but it really makes me study a lot every week. I had a sort of thought /awakening last week about my class. I teach the kids about keeping the commandments and such and I had to ask myself, do I keep the commandments? Am I doing everything I'm supposed to? So I went through a checklist in my head, but wait, there's one thing I'm not doing, not even attempting to do. Visiting teaching. I don't do it and haven't even tried in this ward and yet that's an assignment I've been asked to do that I don't. I don't want to be a hypocrite to my class so I've decided that I've got to and I need to do my visiting teaching every month. I really am going to, I don't want to be a hypocrite or set a bad example to those kids, they deserve better than that.

I love being a mom and I love being able to stay at home to take care of Kimball. It is hard and sometimes a challenge, especially when my anxiety is high like it has been this week. But I can't even describe my love for that boy no matter how hard the days may seem. Motherhood is such a joy and the most fulfilling thing I've ever experienced. I just look at his face and he makes me laugh because he's so darn cute!

I tried one of Jerusha's recipes tonight for dinner, fried chicken using saltines. Man, they were so yummy!

This is all a really random post but I can't sleep...

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