*An email I sent to my immediate family on June 2, 21014*
To my Pettingill family (including the in laws, and I may not have their email address):
I
wanted to share a few words with you and although this is through
email, these are my personal, intimate feelings and I wanted to share
them with my family. I'm not boasting or having a pity party, I just
wanted to share some things that I've learned the past few months.That's
merely it, sharing some things that I've learned.
We have been in Spokane for 9 months. Initially we came up
here to take advantage of Lance's job offer and to further his career.
What I now know, is that we came here to save Cora's life. It's only
through revelation that her life was spared. I was barely pregnant,
about 8 weeks along and quite sick, when Lance was offered the Spokane
job. He immediately turned it down because I was in no position to
travel let alone move a family. As we prayed and discussed it, we knew
Spokane was where we needed to be. There was no possible way at 8 weeks
along that we or doctors could've known Cora was going to have physical
problems. I know we are in Spokane because of and for her. We've been
blessed with amazing doctors who are determined and committed to her
care. She's in the best developmental school available, it takes months
to get a child in there but because we were referred to them by so many
doctors, we didn't have to wait, Cora was immediately admitted and began
her therapies.
It seems the last 9 months I've been at the hospital more
often than I am at home. Sometimes Cora will have 8 appointments in one
week, those are physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. It's
hard to discover your baby has problems and will continue to have
problems for the rest of her life. Because of the speculations doctors
had early on, I was preparing for her death. I had her funeral all
planned out in my mind, from the songs to the flowers to her dressed in a
white gown laying beautifully in a white and pink casket. But then
things changed to she will live but that she'll have problems. I
imagined her being the one bullied at school and made fun of because she
was different. And then things changed again to, we just don't know
what she will be like. So I've tried to change my mindset altogether. I
realized as her mother, I was giving her limits before she even
presented any. I decided she was going to be loved, treated, and raised
as any other child would be, limits or not.
Long story short, the past 9 months that we've been in Spokane
have been hard. Some days are better than others but it has been
downright hard. H.A.R.D.
And so I want to express my
appreciation to you and share my testimony. I bear testimony to you,
that life is hard. It is. No one person's life is any easier than the
next. We all have challenges that come to us in different forms. We all
suffer. We all experience pain. And I know that it is meant to be that
way. The scriptures teach us that without the bitter we wouldn't know
the sweet, and that it is needful that there be opposition in all
things. Because we know this, we know that life is meant to be hard. It
is part of the plan of salvation or the plan of happiness. How can it be
the plan of happiness when we experience loss, pain, betrayal,
loneliness, etc? Because the Savior atoned and suffered for each of us,
so that we wouldn't have to endure these things alone. It is because of
our trials that life is good. Therefore, God's plan is perfect.
We don't have to know the "why" to our trials. The why is
not important to our salvation, so we don't need to question it or
pursue it.
One of my favorite talks is by Elder
Wirthlin called "Sunday Will Come" and he talks about the last few days
of the Savior's life, pointing out various things of the atonement and
crucifixion. Then he explained that it was on Sunday that Christ was
resurrected and redeemed the world. And of all things that Christ did
endure and fulfilled his mission, it was on Sunday that he was
delivered. And so I echo Elder Wirthlin's testimony, I also testify that
we will all have our own "sundays" when we will be delivered from our
hardships. We will have our own Sundays, we just have to endure life and
endure it well. Enduring well is the hard part but that's when we can
rely on our faith and repentance. That's when we need to turn to Him and
ask for help. On my own journey with Cora, I don't know what to expect
or what will come next and I'm constantly given peace when I remember
the Psalm, "Be still and know that I am God." I just need to remember
Christ and leave it in his hands which is what I've tried and strive to
do.
I'm thankful for a good husband who holds the priesthood.
As I've utilized the priesthood and called upon God for myself, I've
been a witness to several miracles in the last few months. It
strengthens my testimony of living prophets and of the restoration.
I bear testimony that this is God's plan, that his plan is
perfectly perfect. I know that life is meant to be hard but that our own
sunday will come just as it did for the Savior. I'm thankful for the
covenants that I've made that make my two children mine forever.
Whatever happens, I know they are mine as I stay true. I know God loves
us and will never forget us. He is omniscient and ever forgiving!
I thank you all, my dear family; I thank you so much for your
prayers, thoughts, words, faith, fasting, and love. I've made it through
the last several months because of you and thank you so much. Please
know the immense gratitude in my heart for each of you! I love you so
much and ever thank you!
So, life is hard. BUT! Fresh courage take, we are all in this together. Love you all!
Rebekah
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