Friday, June 8, 2012

My First Mother's Day

I forgot to post about my first mother's day. To say that I was completely and utterly excited is a huge understatement. To quote myself, "Lance, mother's day is more special and more important than birthdays or christmas so you had better get me a gift!"

Lance's point of view: I am not your mother or even Kimball's mother so why should I get you a gift?

My point of view: I am your son's mother. I am a mother because of you. So it's obvious you should get me a gift.

We didn't argue about it at all, we just expressed our opinions to each other. In short, we both lost because all three of us were sick with HFMD on mother's day.

He did end up getting me a gift: a picture of Christ playing with a baby and its hanging right outside Kimball's room. To say that I am completely and utterly in love with motherhood is a huge understatement. I have been looking forward to this day all my life! In fact, in high school one of my best buds was Jakob and I spoke often with him about how anxious I was to be a mother. Of course after getting married Lance and I moved to Charleston for about three years and then went through school and before you know it, it's six years later and on October 26, 2011 I became a mom. I was scared beyond anything and I was in love with this little baby beyond anything. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea what a surge of emotion I would feel, both meeting this baby as a complete stranger and meeting this baby like I've known him my whole life. In my arms I held this tiny five pound miracle who changed my life forever.

Motherhood is like eating a chocolate covered spider. (Not that I've tasted one). It's exquisitely rich and delicious and yet the hardest/grossest challenge I've ever eaten. (That makes more sense in my head than it does seeing it typed out). Motherhood is the purest form of love I've ever experienced and yet the hardest form of love I've ever experienced. Carrying him those nine months was the most difficult, agonizing time of my life, I seriously did not think I could do it or live one more day being so intensely sick. When he was a newborn and having to be so sleep deprived, some days I couldn't do it and Lance had to take a turn feeding him during the day so I could get a nap. Luckily he's the happiest and easiest baby I've ever seen and he doesn't cry much but when he does, sometimes Lance has to handle it and I leave the room. In short, motherhood is the hardest job I've ever loved. And it's only the beginning. I'm sure when he's a toddler and throwing little tantrums I'll wish for those sleepless nights when all I had to do was feed him and change his diaper. I'm sure when he's a teenager and tries to figure out who he is I'll wish for those toddler years when all I had to do was wait five minutes and the tantrum would be over. (I find it funny that I'm already assuming there are harder days ahead and already assuming he's going to be a fit throwing, rebellious teenager. See? I'm a bad mom!)

I cannot wait to see his personality develop and meet him as a strapping young lad. I cannot wait to see what talents and interests he takes on. I cannot wait to see what he grows up to be as a man. I cannot wait to see him as a loving husband to a lucky wife. I cannot wait to see him as a fun loving father.

But for now, I'm so incredibly grateful to change his bum and feed him mashed up peas. I love finding him in weird napping places, today was the johnny jump up and later on the area rug. I love hearing him laugh and tickling him all over. I love to squeeze his little toes and feel his fuzzy soft hair that's finally coming in. I love to kiss those cheeks over and over and over. My favorite thing right now is when he's asleep in my arms, because there for a few minutes he remains a baby who will still cuddle up to his mama. A mama who loves him beyond words can express.


Harris Happenings said...

Perfect post--spot on!

Laura said...

I agree! Great thoughts!!

Christine said...

Becky, I loved this post. You almost made me cry; Kimball is so lucky to have you as a mother. Love you!